Tuesday, December 13, 2005

For the Record(s)

They said it couldn't be done. Engineers told us that it wasn't "physically possible." Psychologists told us to "recondition our grandiloquent notions." Professional movers politely declined to risk their reputation on an "impossible job." Health experts told us that climbing Mt. Everest would be more easily accomplished. Chiropractors and lawyers from around the state were circling the library like sharks waiting for a steady stream of injured victims, but low and behold...WE MOVED SOME 30,000 LPs...in one day (and no one was seriously injured).

With the help of several foolhardy student assistants (Cleyera, Jenny, Kyle, Lindsay, Josh and Judy) we swarmed over the LP collection in a frenzied cocktail of lifting, shoving, pushing, hauling, stacking and sorting. But the collection, hitherto an immovable fixture equal to any Pike's Peak or Kilimanjaro, would not go quietly.

Mt. Vinyl set its will against us, coughing forth huge clouds of dust and debris, angrily raining down "The greatest recordings of Arturo Toscanini"...nearly crushing us. But just as the sea erodes great boulders into tiny grains of sand, we persisted, wave upon wave.

After eight hours of travail upon the "sea of pain," we finally bobbed to the surface...victorious. Mt. Vinyl, the once proud and pompous record collection, now sleeps in scattered ruins, awaiting its glorious return.


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